what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Randomize
