Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
