standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
