he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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