now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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