I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
