You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
