i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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