If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
He has the fingertips of a God
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