We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
