Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
