sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
