My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
