I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
