is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
