He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
