You're so nebulous sometimes
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
