I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
