i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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