See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
