some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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