I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
