You made me cry and you don't even care
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
