He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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