You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
