I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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