You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
