I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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