Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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