Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
