I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
