Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
