so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
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