My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
