4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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