I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
