I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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