I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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