What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
