well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
