We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
