Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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