you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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