last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
