he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I just blew my weed a kiss
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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