Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
