you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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