She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
They have beer where we have blood.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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