I hate your face
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
