i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
