If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
