Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
