I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
