apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
