Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
