I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
