even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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