there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
