Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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