it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
She just used a chaser for red wine.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
