Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
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There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
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I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
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