He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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