I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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