my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
