just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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