We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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