Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
