So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
