I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
