I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
